Your Best One lie joke!!!!!!

[Mungkorn]

Q. Whats green and eats nuts???
A. Cphlyss

Q. What is the worst thing about a lung transplant???
A. Coffing up someone elses flemm.....

Q. How do you make a nunn pregnant???
A. You fcuk her...

Q. How do you eat a frog???
A. You put its little legs over your ears...

One World One MuayThai

[Mungkorn]

Q. What do you call that little stain you find in females knickers???
A. Kitty Litter...

One World One MuayThai

[Lothene]

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows?

They've been making headlines...


*ba doom chhh*



************************************************** ***********
Here and now, we are gone in a heartbeat, a dream in the passage of time.
Chances are fading, this world isn't waiting, the moment is passing you by.

[Matty G]

What is the difference between Fat and Cholesterol?


You dont wake up with cholesterol in the morning

[promoboss]

how to keep an idiot in suspence?
goto
http://www.sportzblitz.net/Forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=5309

It's Better to Burn Out than to Fade Away

Edited by - promoboss on 12 Dec 2005 15:41:58

[supermario]

Wanna see an elephant?? <img src=icon_smile_tongue.gif border=0 align=middle>

[alchrist]

Guys, these are just jokes [dont take offence]

Q.hear about the bloke who put his hand in a jar of jelly babies?
A.the black one stole his watch.

Q.who won the lebanese beauty contest?
A.a passing stray camel.

Q.what do monkeys and chainsaws have in common?
A.they both f#@k up trees.

Q.whats hit more balls than Greg Normans golf club?
A.Freddy Mercurys chin.

Q.how many police does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?
A.none, he fell.

Q.what is the definition of a bastard?
A.an italian who doesn't his wife he's sterile until after she tells him she's pregnant.

Q.whats got more holes than a crumpet.?
A.snow whites hymen.

Q.why didnt the negro marry the mexican?
A.he didnt want his kids to grow up to lazy to steal.

Q.what do you throw a drowning kiwi?
A.his family and friends.

Q.what do you call 849 kiwis bobbing in the ocean?
A.a good start.

Q.what do you call a women who can stretch her vagina across a tennis court?
A.annette.

Q.what do you call a man with a car on his head?
A.jack.

I could go on & on.

thnx al.

[tdrury]

Whats the difference between Parsley and pubic hair?

Nothing push it to the side and keep on eating.




"He who believes can and will achieve"

[southpaw]

what's brown and sticky?
A stick!

What's big red and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater!

What's big red and eats sand?
A big red rockeater on a diet.

How does a council worker start a fairytale?
Once upon a time... and a half

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head!

[southpaw]

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
It was dead

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
Someone threw a fridge at him.

Why did the third koala fall from the tree?
It was stapled to the second

Why did the fourth koala fall from the tree?
Peer pressure.

Why did the fifth koala fall from the tree?
he was lonely.

How did the kangaroo die?
he was hit by five falling koalas and a fridge.

[drgndrew]

Q. What's Brown and full of holes??
A Swiss Poop

I went to a wedding of two Aerials the other day, The ceromony was crap, but the reception was Fookin excellent

With Honour in Bushido,
Drew

Edited by - drgndrew on 12 Dec 2005 22:34:17

[jabba]

what do u do with 365 used condoms???
A.make them into a tyre and call it a good year...

[supermario]

quote:
what do u do with 365 used condoms???
A.make them into a tyre and call it a good year...




We have a winner! That's the best one thus far :)

[Bushi]

Q.What's the difference between a tyre and 365 condoms
A. One's a Goodyear, the others a GREAT year..

Q. What's the difference between and egg and a beetroot
A. You can beat and egg but you can't.....

Alchrist, you had me in tears....keep them all coming guys and gals....

Bushi

"Yours in Bushido"

[da GhOsT]

"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
"I couldn't lift the table."

A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge began, you've been
brought here for drinking.
Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get started?


Whom are you working for?
Same people. My wife and four kids.


When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
She answers: My husband's cheque book.



"Before You Get Old and wise, You Have To Be Young and Stupid"

[da GhOsT]

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

why did the taxi driver give up his job?
because people kept talking behind his back

Mr. Parker saw his son’s shiner and demanded,
“Jimmy, who gave you that black eye?”
“No one,” replied the spunky child. “I had to fight for it.”

Teacher: if u think u r stupid stand up!
2minutes later
Teacher: john why did u stand up? do u think you're stupid?
John: No ma'm. just felt sorry 4 ya because u da only one standing!!!

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.



"Before You Get Old and wise, You Have To Be Young and Stupid"

[Mungkorn]

LOL.....

One World One MuayThai

[jackafrica]

What do you call a dear with no eyes?
No idea

What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs?
Still no idea

What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs or balls?
Still no fcuking idea!

[gvmuaythai]

Q:What do you get when you cross acid with the Pill?
A:A trip without the kids!

Q: Why is Santa's sack so full?
A:Cos he only comes once a year!

[bigrocket]

How long does it take a black woman to have a shhit,
nine months

have you herd about the irish dingo,
it took the tent.

bigrocket

Edited by - bigrocket on 18 Dec 2005 00:47:12

[Lothene]

Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.





************************************************** ***********
Here and now, we are gone in a heartbeat, a dream in the passage of time.
Chances are fading, this world isn't waiting, the moment is passing you by.

[jackafrica]

Q.Why does Mike Tyson always cry when he's having sex?????
A.Pepper spray!

Q.What goes Fee fi fo, fee fi fo.........
A.Mike Tyson giving out his Ph number.

[funjester]

What do you call a greek skydiving?
Condescending

The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob

What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!

and finally,

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic = using a feather
Kinky = using the whole chicken

When in doubt, power out..

[southpaw]

what do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of dead leaves?
Russell
what do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
Doug
What do you call him without the shovel?
Douglas

[jackafrica]

A man in a hole?
Warren

A man in the gutter?
Dwayne

A spanish girl with one tooth?
Juanita

[allanf]

Q. Whats the difference between Ricky Ponting and Van Ngyens mother?
A. Only Van Ngyens mother brought the ashes back home.

Q. What's the best thing about being a 'speed' addict?
A. Only 1 more sleep till christmas.

Q: How do Greeks seperate the men from the boys?
A: With a crowbar

Q: How many Wogs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 5... 1 to actually change it and the other 4 to say "You sick kunt!"

Q: Why do Russians steal 2 cars when they go to Germany?
A: Because they have to come back through Poland

What do you call abo women who have abortions?

Crime Stoppers!
A Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend lying in bed replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep,
****head."

The man returns: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

Q) Why'd the Lebbo cross the road???

A) To bash the chicken!

[alchrist]

Q.whats on top of the vietnamese top10 ?
A.wokking the dog.

frank sinatra and sid vicious have re-recorded a song in heaven.
its called "i remember you,YOU C#@T!!"

Q.whats the best thing to come out of japan ?
A.radioactive fallout.

Q.hear about the irish ********** ?
A.choked to death on the feathers.

Q.hear about the ****ter arab ?
A.he liked to lurk up dark ali's

Q.hear about the masturbating robot ?
A.pulled himself to bits.

Q.what do you call an aborigine priest ?
A.pastor flagon.

Q.why are johnson @ johnson putting little bells on their tampons ?
A.for the christmas period. [i know, i know]

Q.what does a walrus and tupperware have in common ?
A.they both like a tight seal

Q.what do you call a jewish homo ?
A.a he-blew

Q.whats better than eating a mandarin ?
A.eating amanda out

Q.what goes marc marc ?
A.a dog with a hairlip

Q.why is ugliness superior to beauty ?
A.it lasts long

not a one-liner but alright.

bloke was out driving in the country and spots this sign.
"talking dog for sale "so he pulls up and says to the farmer
" saw the sign out front where is he ?" farmer says "out the
back on the porch" bloke walks out the back and sees this old
sheepdog and says "so,whats the story champ ?"dog says "well,
mate not much to tell but it all started back when i was a pup
realised i had a gift so i got a start in the CIA where i was the
"top-dog" of an elite surveilance squad assigned to some of the
the most daring and life-threatining missions ever. did that
for about 8yrs come back home here did a bit of undercover work,
"store-detective" of the year an' all that sorta 5hit ya know
then moved out to the farm here, sired a couple a litters and
thats about it" bloke was speechless goes in to the farmer and
says "how much" farmer says"$10 bucks" bloke says $TEN BUCKS???
why is he so cheap?" farmer says "coz hes a f@$#%en liar mate he
didnt do any of that 5hit"

thnx al.

[southpaw]

A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"

I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck.

Without geometry, life is pointless

I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt.

I went to a seafood disco rave last week and pulled a mussel.

What is the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.
The job was only so-so anyhow.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

[Seth_2]

hahahaha gold



"One World One Muaythai"

[southpaw]

There was this yellow toad hopping down a path in the woods. He was feeling really sick and had such a terrible cough he though he might croak. Anyway, he came upon a man who, it turns out, was a doctor. He diagnosed the frogs illness right away, but, alas, he found he was not carrying the medicine with him that the frog required. The doctor pointed down the path toward a distant hill. "Toad", he said, "if you can hop down past that hill you will find a village where my office is located. Take this prescription with you and tell the druggist to give you what you need." The toad thanked the doctor and started on his journey A few hours later, the doctor came upon a bunny , hopping through the woods. "And how are you today, Mr. Rabbit?" said the doctor. Not so good, came the reply. "I hopped on a thorn a few miles back and my foot is starting to swell." The doctor looked at the rabbit's limb and applied a temporary bandage. "You need to see my nurse who will give you a better dressing and make you well again." Oh thank you! said the rabbit. "Which way do I go to find your office?" With that, the doctor point toward the distant hill and said "Follow the yellow sick toad."

Once there was a toad who wanted to add on to his Lilly pad. Now, Mr. Toad needed money to undertake this project, so he went down to the bank to get a loan. There at the teller window was his old friend, Ms. Patricia Wack. Hello, Patricia, said Mr. Toad. "I need a loan so I can add onto my lily pad." Well, Mr. Toad, we can lend you the money, but we need some collateral. Do you have anything you can give us? Mr. Toad went through his bag of possessions and came out with a little gold statue. "This is all I have," he said. "Well, I don't know," said Patricia. "Let me ask the president." So Patricia walked into the President's office and said, "Mr. Toad needs a loan, but this is all he has as collateral," and she handed him the statue. The president looked at the statue and said, "It's a nick-nack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan."

I tried looking for gold, but it didn't pan out.
I tried to make the plump ladies see the error of their weighs.
I used to be a banker, but lost interest in the work.
I used to be a baker, but I didn't make enough dough.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded
I used to be a blackjack host, but was offered a better deal.
I used to work for Budweiser, but then I got canned.
I used to be a butler, but found the work wasn't my cup of tea.
I used to be a carpenter, but then I got bored.
I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.
I used to be a fisherman, but I got caught playing hooky.
I used to work for H&R Block, but it was just too taxing.
I used to be a hotel clerk, but then I had reservations.
I used to be a nun, but I got expelled because of my dirty habits.
I used to be a marathon runner, but couldn't stand the agony of de feet.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn't trained.
I used to be a road digger, but I got re-trenched.
I used to be a sanitation engineer, but the city dumped me.
I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
I used to be a shoe salesman, till they gave me the boot.
I used to be a teacher, but found I didn't have enough class.
I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn't my racket.
I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.
I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.
I used to be a Velcro salesman, but couldn't stick with it.
I considered going into the ministry but I didn't have an altar ego.
I tried working in a bakery, but was told I wasn't "bread" for it.
I thought becoming a candle maker, but I wasn't sure wick end was up.
I wanted to be a stenographer, but they told me they are not short-handed at the moment.


A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. Oh my, I am so sorry, the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! ! You know, he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" No, she replied, "You just happened to catch my eye.

The Complete Shrimp Cookbook is pure prawnography.

[southpaw]

sorry i'm really bored.... and these are really funny...

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" Exclaimed Daisy.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "dam"

Two old tomcats were bragging about their brave exploits. "Nice looking scars you've got their on your neck!" said one. "Thanks," said the other,"I made them from scratch."

Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Two wrongs can make a riot.

Unemployment is not working.

Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bear arms.

We're a fastidious couple.... I'm fast.... She's tedious.

What did the chimpanzee say when his sister had a baby? Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit coin? One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

[Mungkorn]

Q.What tastes funny
A. Clown Sh1t....

One World One MuayThai

[jackafrica]

What's the diference between a game of golf and a mounted policeman?
One is a hunt on a course............................

[Seth_2]

how many emo's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

none, theyd prefer to sit in the dark and cry!!

"One World One Muaythai"

[jackafrica]

funny emo vid................

http://www.wimp.com/beemo/

[Seth_2]

ahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!

"One World One Muaythai"

[Seth_2]

hahaha your secrets out russ.. get out of those leaves so someone can rake em up!! hehe <img src=icon_smile_tongue.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_blackeye.gif border=0 align=middle>

"One World One Muaythai"

[lion]

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day and anal sex makes your hole week...

[shaunw]

QUOTE-
Q:What do you get when you cross acid with the Pill?
A:A trip without the kids!

love it.

Max Power, he's the man who's name you'd love to touch. But you mustn't touch! His name sounds good in your ear, but when you say it you mustn't fear! Cause his name can be said by anyone