Chuck Norris (lol)

[madjack]

Stolen from an e-mail I received today

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

2. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

6. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

8. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f@*% down.

9. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "f&@%*".

12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

17. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

19. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

26. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****!

30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
pushing the Earth down.

[Seth_2]

BAHAHAHAHAHAH

LMFAO!!!!
top stuff madjack

"One World One Muaythai"

[Gnar_kill]

Lol, Thats gold

[ECKS]

LMAO!!!!! Me and Humble are sitting here in stiches with tears in our eyes reading this post. You cant find two guys who absolutely hate Chuck Norris more than us. Except for well the guy who wrote this stuff lol... Good one madjack

[supermario]

hahahaha, that's awesome. And remember the scoop Connan O'Brien brought us on his late night talk show>> Chuck Norris, now in his '60s, was forced to change the name of his hit TV show 'Walker Texas Ranger' by the network to 'Texas Ranger With A Walker'. You gotta love Connan.

[Mungkorn]

LMAO!!!!

One World One MuayThai

[assclown]

LMFAO!!
im seriosly in tears!!
Well done!!!<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

[Lothene]

*Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

*Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

*Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

*Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

*A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

*The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

*The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

*Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

*Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

*If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

*Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

*To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

*Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.

*Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

*Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

*Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

*After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

*The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

*Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

*Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

*Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

*Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

*Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

*Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

*Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

*It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.




************************************************** ***********
Here and now, we are gone in a heartbeat, a dream in the passage of time.
Chances are fading, this world isn't waiting, the moment is passing you by.

[harls]

Great thread, keep them coming guys. Brilliant!

"Adapt, Improvise, Overcome"

[promoboss]

ahh ahhh stop it syop it my guits are killing me.
<img src=icon_smile_clown.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_clown.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_8ball.gif border=0 align=middle>

It's Better to Burn Out than to Fade Away

[muaythaimayhem]

Definitely a good laugh. I also hate chuck norris and any choreographed martial arts exaggerated on screen, just annoys me no end. Sorry to those martial arts buffs out there, come from a biased boxing loving family. :)

[Lothene]

*The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more that meet the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

*When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

*When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into the backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

*Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity," then you are dead wrong.

*Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

*One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

*At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

*Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

*Chuck Norris once pulled a bus full of school children teetering over the edge of a cliff back onto the road with his bare hands, saving everybody inside. Even as they cheered, he screamed, "I'm not your savior!" and headbutted the bus over the edge, sending them all to their horrible doom.

*Chuck Norris was the original treasure in National Treasure.

*Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

*We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

*Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.

*There was once a line of soap based off of Chuck Norris. His face was on every bar. While popular in the early 90s, the soap was discontinued after thousands of women started growing his stern yet sexy beard.

*At the start of every summer, Chuck Norris begins practicing his roundhouse kicks outside. We know this as hurricane season.

*Fifteen people are known to have been crushed to death tilting vending machines towards them in the hope of a free can of soda. Chuck Norris was behind every one of these machines.

<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>



************************************************** ***********
Here and now, we are gone in a heartbeat, a dream in the passage of time.
Chances are fading, this world isn't waiting, the moment is passing you by.


Edited by - Lothene on 07 Dec 2005 13:07:33

[babyface]

hehe thats funnie

[some_guy]

*chuck norris thinks you should all get a life

"what would i know... i'm just some guy."

[ECKS]

Some_guy , dont wreck the party mate lol , everyones having a laugh and a half

[Bushi]

Some guy says.. quote: *chuck norris thinks you should all get a life

Hmmm is Some Guy Chuck Norris !!<img src=icon_smile_clown.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_tongue.gif border=0 align=middle>

Bushi

"Yours in Bushido"

[madjack]

While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live
ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can't
do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse
kicked
him in the face.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.

There are three sides to the force: The
Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick
to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists
turned
into artificial Chuck Norrisi.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a
beard.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

New Years Eve 1998, Chuck Norris was at a party, when the clock struck
twelve, instead of kissing someone, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked
everyone at the party. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone on the
street, and the whole city. He has been doing this ever since.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Only Chick Norris knows how to get the figs in fig rolls

When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was
10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heart burn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the
Sega Genesis.

Chuck Norris is the 8th wonder of the natural world.

Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
the face.

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer
space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris does not eat. He refuels

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a con dom.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
water.

There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck
Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't
find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he
stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct
species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your
ass and take your dollar.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"

In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host
Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast
on the hooker in "Total Recall".

Chuck Norris was the fifth Beatle. He was expelled for roundhouse kicking
Ringo so hard he puked.

Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

Chuck Norris can divide by Zero

Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says
he won't trade any of them for anything.

If Superman and the Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
would win: Chuck Norris.

Kryptonite fears Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton
for one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the
special olympics.

Chuck Norris is where babies come from.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

On the 7th day, God rested. Chuck Norris took over.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse
kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended
or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Chuck Norris consumes 87 cans of mayonnaise in a week.

Chuck Norris invented water.

Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him
which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.

One time while sparring with wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost
his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by it's
technical term: Jupiter.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word,
he simply changes the actual spelling of it.

BEFORE SCIENCE WAS INVENTED IT WAS ONCE BELIEVED THAT AUTUMN OCCURED WHEN
CHUCK NORRIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKED EVERY TREE IN EXISTENCE.

BEFORE EMAIL WAS INVENTED CHUCK NORRIS WOULD ATTACH PICTURES OF HIS
ROUNDHOUSE KICKS TO PIGEONS AND ROUNDHOUSE KICK THEM.

IN THE ORIGINAL PILOT FOR STAR TREK NEXT GEN CHUCK NORRIS CAN BE SEEN
POWERING THE USS ENTERPRISE WARP DRIVE WITH HIS ROUNDHOUSE KICKS

CHUCK NORRIS WAS ONCE ASKED TO RECOMMEND A CLUB TO WHICH HE REPLIED 'I AM A
CLUB' AND EVERYONE PARTIED ON HIM.. UNTIL HE ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THEM ALL
BECAUSE SOMEONE SPLIT HIS PINT.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Chuck Norris was working out in the gym with one of his daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress Norris, she started to train really hard. When she asked Chuck if he was impressed, he replied with "Weights don't hit back" and broke her neck with a roundhouse

[supermario]

Alright guys, main event time:

The A-Team: Hannibal, Face, Murdoch & B.A. Baracus

vs

The B-Team: Cordell Walker, Michael Knight, McGuyver & Beast Master.

Who would win the matchup????

My money's on the B-Team, just too much fire power baby!!!!

[promoboss]

Obviously the b-team
The a- team can fire off 3,000 rounds in a 30 minute show & no one gets killed. what the? and they're soldiers.

Cordell Walker, say no more
Michael Knight,the talking car
McGuyver - he can make any thing from a toothpick & bubble gum
Beast Master - he will send the animals to eat your carcass after.
<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_clown.gif border=0 align=middle>

It's Better to Burn Out than to Fade Away

[SPADA]

Iam going with the A team <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>


Hannibal vs Walker

Tough battle this one.... but even though Hannibal is the season veteran,he would be found out by Walkers kicking prowess.Head kick KO
win to Walker.

Face vs Michael Knight

Micheal has an awesome corner man in the form of " KIT ".The invaluable info " KIT " would pass on between rounds is hard to combat.On the other hand we have the smooth talking Face who has been known to woo the ladies and influence the Judges. Draw

Murdoch vs McGuyver

McGuyver is too slick for most...but if Murdoch can negate McGuyver's
"gadgets" and keep up a his crazy workrate and style... then I see doing the job.Murdoch on points.

B.A Baracas vs Beast Master

Big clash.... Beast is savage.... but with the " no-nosense" approach that B.A has and the granite jaw... then this has to end in one way.KO win to B.A Baracus

cheers Spada

[Lothene]

Always good to see the big issues being discussed <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>



************************************************** ***********
Here and now, we are gone in a heartbeat, a dream in the passage of time.
Chances are fading, this world isn't waiting, the moment is passing you by.

[southpaw]

i pity the fool that votes team B...

[alchrist]

B-B-B-B-B-TEAM...
Who comes up with this 5hit??? Lmfao to the point of rupturing my spleen. Xcellent stuff.
Chuck Norris once roamed with the dinosaurs going by the common name of Chuckus Norrasaurus until a series of roundhouse kicks rendered them extinct.

thnx al.

[admin]

Fresh off the wires...


KEITH BELLIZZI ROUNDHOUSE KICKS CHUCK NORRIS

Houston, Texas, December 10, 2005 -- Australian kickboxer 'Crazy' Keith Bellizzi found himself in a maelstrom of controversy today after a run-in with Walker, Texas Ranger star Chuck Norris.

Bellizzi flew to Houston, Texas, and the set of Walker after reading about Chuck Norris's roundkicking exploits on the sportzblitz.net website, which include Chuck Norris rendering dinosaurs extinct with his roundhouse kicks.

Bellizzi, who was renowned for chewing turn-buckles after his fights in Melbourne's Western suburbs, approached Norris after filming had completed and challenged the superstar saying: "I'm Keith Bellizzi, I'm the greatest, no-one can beat me."

Norris did not take kindly to the challenge, and the two engaged in a staredown both refusing to blink. Witnesses say the staredown lasted just shy of three hours, at which time a blood vessel behind Norris's left retina ruptured, forcing Norris to blink.

Bellizzi threw his hands in the air in a victory salute and then proceeded to tell Norris how he had single-handedly captured Saddam Hussein in Iraq; how he had been the second gunman on the grassy knoll; how he was once the fifth Beatle; and how Melbourne's Western suburbs were actually located in the East until Keith Bellizzi roundkicked them and relocated them across town.


BBKB Fan Club -- BRING BACK KEITH BELLIZZI

"The Voice" Michael Schiavello



-Editor-
International Kickboxer
Fox Sports
Fox 8
MAIN EVENT
TV2 - TVNZ

"He's taken MORE HITS than a conceirge at Russell Crowe's hotel!" -- Commentary of Sapp vs Choi, TV2, NZ

[humble]

SHIV LOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!!!!

We got some creative ones here i tell ya!

Dont mistake my harshness for strength and neither mistake my kindness for weakness.

[promoboss]

do you know why we only have the k-1 competition ?
because Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked the other 24 letters of the alphabet!!!!!


It's Better to Burn Out than to Fade Away

[Lothene]

Hahahahaha you guys...



************************************************** ***********
Here and now, we are gone in a heartbeat, a dream in the passage of time.
Chances are fading, this world isn't waiting, the moment is passing you by.

[southpaw]

there are plans for a new addition to the k-1 and k-1 MAX tournies, the K1 CHUCK unfortunately this is open to only one contender :)

[ECKS]

just wanna reply to this topic to keep it on the main page lol , i love reading this

[supermario]

Fellas, check out these Random Fact Generators for Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel & Mr T:

http://www.4q.cc/

Priceless $hit.

[Iron Monkey]

that is some of the funniest stuff i've ever read. im sitting in a internet cafe right now trying my hardest not to make an idiot out of myself by lmao. it's not working. lol.

keep up the good work

[ECKS]

fgjh

You are my advesary but U are not my enemy.For ur resistance gives me strength, ur will gives me courage, ur spirit enobles me.And though I aim to defeat U,should I succeed I will not humiliate U.Instead I will honour U,for without U I am a lesser man.

[Hooky]

Holy crap, i'm in my office at work laughing out loud like a bloody idiot. people are looking at me as if i'm a fool. How embarrasing. Thats some of the funniest stuff i have read in a long time.

Good work.

Hurricane season. Ha Ha Ha

A good deed, no matter how small, is worth more than the grandest good intention

[snoop wog]

funniest **** ive ever heard

'Clearly The Beatles held Ringo back'
snoop wog

[Ma]

Ha ha.. nice work.. where the hell do you find this stuff! CLASSIC!!

[robot]

Damm this is funny lol